It's A New Age, America

Now I remember why I hate driving with my family. But it's the Fourth of July, so I have to be patriotic in spirit and forgiving of heart.

But I'm really neither. So you'll  just have to settle for reading a story that isn't really true.

There is a man at the end of my street who rides a bicycle. Every time I see him, he has this white polo and baseball cap on. He rides very slowly, as if he has never before seen the trees around him through his tinted glasses. He never smiles, never waves, even when acknowledged. He's a lot like the angry man I saw that fine Sunday morning.

A friend who lives down the street across from The Bicycle Man says that he sometimes drops off fresh fruit. My friend appears to be under the impression that The Bicycle/Fruit Man is a friendly human being.

I beg to differ. This is a suspicious man doing suspicious things. I mean, who even rides a bicycle around anymore? Who's got time to do that? And fresh fruit? What!? Fresh fruit is stuff that the cavemen survived on. Excuse me, but we're living comfortably with our GMO's and other processed foods. I could never survive without my hot dogs.

The Bicycle/Fruit Man is a menace to society. We must report him to the police immediately so he can face the proper consequences for existing as a Old-Fashioned Human Being.

It's a new age, America.