The World is a Better Place than It was 2500 Years Ago

About 2500 years ago, there was this family. The House of Atreus.

I could insert a picture of the family tree here, but it all just gets too complicated and doesn't really convey the truly astonishing number of affairs and murders that occurred within the family itself. So you can go Google it yourself if you really need it.

Anyways. The whole shebang kind of started when these two brothers, Atreus and Thyestes, murdered their half brother and were exiled. And then Atreus' wife Aeropes had an affair with Thyestes, so Atreus killed Thyestes' kids and tricked him into eating his own kids. And so Thystes was banished (for cannibalism) and Atreus became king.

But that's not all.

Thyestes was pretty pissed about this, so he asked some trusty old oracle what to do and came away with the idea that he needed to have a kid by his own daughter, Pelopia. And so Aegisthus was born. Unfortunately, Pelopia was so ashamed of this that she gave Aegisthus away to some shepherd, who gave the baby to Atreus (Oedipus, anyone?). When Aegisthus found out about all this, he responded in the logical fashion by killing Atreus.

Atreus had two sons before he died, Menelaus (who married Helen, aka Helen of Troy) and Agamemnon, who married Clytemnestra, Helen's sister. Then Helen was "kidnapped" and the Trojan War happened, but there was no wind for Agamemnon to set sail for Troy, and some old dude told him that he'd pissed off Artemis and would have to sacrifice what he considered his most precious belonging to appease her. And so Agamemnon killed his oldest daughter, Iphigenia, which really pissed off his wife (understandably).

While Agamemnon was away at war, Clytemnestra hopped into bed with Aegisthus and decided to kill Agamemnon when he returned. And so they did.

But then Agamemnon's exiled son Orestes returned and killed both Aegisthus and Clytemnestra, his own mother. Orestes was cleared of the murder charge by a split vote among the Athenian elders in a court presided by Athena herself. And this was the origin of "innocent until proven guilty." Or something like that.

You see, the world is kind of becoming a better place. It's actually a pretty wonderful place if you take the story of the house of Atreus at face value. We're not chopping up people's kids and eating them. Or murdering our mothers. And we don't run to oracles for sage advice. Not really, at least.

There is hope.